I remember this being the one song Ben (more so than the rest of us, followed by myself), Sarah, Shanya and me would start singing out of the blue, randomly, totally spontaneously. That one most memorable day would be one December at Holland V's Coffee Bean into the depths of the midnight, pretending there was no tomorrow, that there was no next page to turn to. We could stop time, we were that invincible. Timeless. And so this song remains etched, especially with its eerie beginning in that sombre almost-dry "When there is nothing left to burn, you've got to set yourself on fire". The lyrics have little personal relevance - that much I must clarify. It's just a beautiful song, picturesque, cinematographic and potent.
That shall be it. I'm going to be off to wilderness [Cue NS guys scoffing] - goodbye civilization! Let's hope the jellyfishes are sleepy and lethargic.
And I'm still terribly terribly unprepared for Italy D: Maybe a streak of adventurous spirit can take us through this. Or maybe we'll have some major intensive planning on the terribly long plane ride. Or maybe know what? We should just get a guidebook and let it do the talking - though now that totally robs the fun out of independent almost-backpacker travelling! Obviously given this total unpreparedness, I haven't packed. Heck, I haven't even packed for tomorrow's camp! D: Hopefully Saturday will be a productive packing day. Early day tomorrow... and really gotta get back to packing! HAHA Shizzlepops. Rightos.
Gone were the days when two months ahead of me is jammed-packed to almost-breathless proportions. It is with a hint of nostalgia that I say this though, because I loved those days and still do.
Today it once again dawned upon me what few days I have before a whole month of jetting about (literally this time) and suddenly I'm scrambling to settle many many things. In a few days I will be thrown into the epic wilderness for the OBS pre-departure programme! Boy, I'm thrilled, but it's been a long long time since I've seen the wilderness, so it is going to be quite interesting! I foresee being totally drained out from that too - so that's a lot of sleep to catch up on.
I have exactly a day to rest AND pack (the terror of it) before being on the plane bound for Italy with Sar and Shan! Believe it or not, I feel very unprepared for Italy - if that's even possible. I do wonder sometimes if I am an over-prepared traveller as I was in NYC. Practically every route was thoroughly google-mapped, printed and memorized. Alas something about Italy sounds a lot scarier than NYC though - not knowing any Italian for one might prove to be one heck of an amusement. And somehow choosing to say no to that KL trip and another reluctant but sensible no to that Bangkok trip just so I can save up - in spite of all that, I worry we might run out of cash! Now that's Europe being Europe and I can't pull a Sean Chi (master hedonistic traveller extraordinaire) much as I love to! I feel a tad unprepared. For one, our train tickets from Cinque Terre to Pisa and Pisa to Florence cannot be booked online (the terror!). As with our intended day-trip to Siena and the pass we were supposed to book for Vatican City! :| HAHA Shucks, that's indeed quite some things to settle. I think I fail as a true blue wandering soul, a true blue back-to-basics backpacker, given my need to be prepared. Always love room for flexibility, but seeing it shall be just us three girls in foreign land, I reckon our safety in a notoriously pickpocket-and-forthcoming-men-laden city is very dependent on our planning ahead. I love trip planning though, so here's to a bit more exciting homework before we embark on the trip!
A day of rest after Italy and I'll be heading to Bali with Mom. Left all the planning to mom because she was mad zealous about it, so it's not quite being unprepared - we're gonna be there to chill out!
I am left with effectively about 2 days to get prepared for the next full month. Boy that's gonna be a ride!
In other news, my mind has been hovering in some foreign terrain post-SATs.
Going through material for SAT Biology, particularly the evolution and diversity section has been a refreshing experience. It is admittedly not something I'd find myself typically interested in. Nonetheless, it seemed some of things I learnt, or at least the fundamental concepts have left lasting impressions. Color me fascinated, they have been steering me into a lot of thoughts about the way we are as humans. Now, I'd explain, if you'd excuse the awkward existentialist moment.
All the principles of evolution and diversity proved eerily reminiscent of Buddhist philosophy. Of change being constant, or every experience being transient. The concept of evolution shares some startling parallels. We see a lot of our experiences in permanence - yet it is the very concept of transience that made possible the survival of the human species. Take for example oxygen. Today oxygen is indispensible to life. Yet innumerable years ago, oxygen was toxic to life on earth and the catastrophic rise of oxygen levels was responsible for the greatest extinction on Earth. Of course, that mass of extinction eventually led to life today, and humans today.
It also made me think about this quote I posted many weeks ago. Indeed we are speaking of survival of our own species; life on earth may very well proceed sans homo sapiens, scary as the thought may be.
In evolutionary biology, existence is the survival of the fittest. But we're constantly reminded that this concept is not a matter of deliberate adaptation. Like how multi-resistant bacteria we see today is not a product of supremely intelligent bacteria, but rather a matter of survival of mutants that "just happened" to possess traits that allowed them to such stresses and circumstances, then proliferate.
There is so much about the chance and coincidences of life on earth that has been lingering in my head, coupled with the Buddhist philosophy I have been trying to understand more of. Strange isn't it, that survival isn't deliberate, but a summation of coincidences and random events?
I really shouldn't be thinking so much. LOL. Especially with such geeky-sciencey undertones, but yes, I think the overdose of all these all at the same time really got to me. And I admit I was at once fascinated - although it was more like a "WHAT THE SHIT. Oxygen was toxic, you must be totally shitting me." kind of fascination. HAHAHA. OKAY. The extent of geekyness inside me freaks myself out. There shall be better things to occupy this boredom.
Random discoveries/loves. Washi tape, Palmer's Skin Therapy Oil (feels utterly luxurious), Muji Squid Ink Pasta (admittedly haven't tried, but thrilled to!), Everyday Minerals :D
A sure sign of an eventful week is when my Google Reader has been left unread and the new post count hits the 700s. A busy and fulfilling week it was indeed.
I can go on and on about SYLers' trip and graduation, but I think the graduation dinner shall suffice!
Oh my. Did I mention I hated dinners? I really did and dreaded last night, especially not having any of my closest friends in attendance (*coughs* Sarah Nat was invited!).
But alas, last night was just utter brilliance.
I arrived much earlier than I intended because Uncle Bernard gave me a lift and so I had a lot of time at the reception to spend talking to people. I tend to believe I am a lot more socially-awkward than I really am, HAHA. So... during the reception, it turns out I'm not socially awkward at all HAHA! I had a great catch-up with Rox, Wilson, Mr Mun, Dr Tan and my MBIO coursemates (: The dinner activities that followed made for a hearty session of laughter and hilarious tension (think the guillotine and the awkward couple acts). It was such a blast ;) Spirits were high and now here is my closure as I leave Ngee Ann. Then we had good chat on the way home home with the TCP woodlands kakis - super-tall Thomas, Joey and Meiyi! <3 Arrived home a happy goober who crashed in bed like a beached whale. Can't believe the rest still hit Zouk after!
I'm really so proud to graduate from Ngee Ann. I received a piece of good news after I got home on graduation day. The timing was amazing, given that graduation is a day of gratitude to the beautiful people who have walked with me. I am still immensely filled with gratitude for so many people: Mr Chia, Dr Choy, Dr Lau, Ms Looi, John, Mr Mun, Ms Ann, Adrian, Audrey, Jane, May Goh, Mr Mak and so many more. <3 I'm ready to take the next step forward.
“What if a demon were to creep after you one night, in your loneliest loneliness, and say, ‘This life which you live must be lived by you once again and innumerable times more; and every pain and joy and thought and sigh must come again to you, all in the same sequence. The eternal hourglass will again and again be turned and you with it, dust of the dust!’ Would you throw yourself down and gnash your teeth and curse that demon? Or would you answer, ‘Never have I heard anything more divine’?” - Friedrich Nietzsche
Never have I heard anything more divine. This journey has been well worth every step. For the gems that were placed in my path for me to seize, for the most beautiful of people I have met, for being the one institution I pride myself so greatly to graduate from - thank you, Ngee Ann Polytechnic.
There is so much to be grateful for. Though my chapter has now closed, my journey with Ngee Ann has yet to conclude - it will not, not until my youngest batch of juniors graduate and leave their lasting imprints on the next. I have been given so much by Ngee Ann, that much as I had served through Ambassadors and served through performing my best in my academics, I never feel it is enough. And so my commitment as I approach official graduation tomorrow is to keep this connection spirited and vital - my journey shan't end, for through all possible capacities, I commit myself to being an active serving alumni.
Labour of love? No doubt, but never has it been nor ever shall it be regrettably so.
If I ever become jobless (God forbid)... or something. I think my greatest redemption is my packing skills.
Some amazing thing this bag is. This bag is tiny. It cannot fit A4 at all and fits my iPad just snugly (which is really all that I need usually). The bag is tiny. My little brother laughs at me when I bring it out - "Jie, this is for kindergarten kids!" - but it is some really amazing bag yo. It's easily smaller than any kindergarten kid's bag if anything. And it looks absolutely retarded when our resident Hagrid, Darren tries to carry it - it's miniscule on his back.
Heading over the loft for a night to host our dearest SYLers from Dumaguete (: and I've packed everything I need into the bag (it helped that I wasn't planning to shower there):
- iPad
- A dress for the next day
- Long pants + Big shirt for sleeping in
- Toothbrush + Toothpaste + Bottle of toner + Pack of cotton wool squares
- Deodorant
- All my emergency medication (in the same category would be a sachet of instant coffee)
- My big fat Olympus Pen Camera
- Whole pencil case
- Organizer
- Stack of rough paper
As you might already be able to tell, I'm pretty proud of my packing skills HAHAHA Whoo. This skill will come in handy.
1. Sleepy: I look like a madwoman now having just untied my french braids. I was making myself some caramel tea and over-steeped the teabag. Now my caramel tea looks like diluted gula melaka. The heat is seriously sucking my soul. Even a sugar and caffeine dose does little to lift the broiling lethargy. And the living room has been attacked by whiffs of badly charred chinese herbal medicine - or at least that is what it smelt like.
2. Infection: I am so glad I fully recovered from the dreadful herpes zoster ophthalmicus (Herpes, whether the genital one or not, is not HIV, my darling Nik & Chester -.- tccch! So hilarious when Nik excitedly announced to everyone who entered the ambs room that I had herpes!). Terribly painful and very unsightly at that. It has been 2 years since the last episode and I have been quite unfazed by its onset because it seemed it has been with me all my life, latently there ever since post-chickenpox. And today was the one day I could not afford my eyes to look like I got punched, so I'm real thankful it resolved in time!
4. Ayam Panggang Awesomeness: I used to dread eating in school. Most of the times I didn't have time to eat; I grab a sandwich, gobble it in less than 5 and get going. When I do have the time though, I never know what to eat. But alas... now that I've graduated, Munch just had to have the heavenly Ayam Panggang stall. The ayam panggang is so good, I cannot stop exclaiming it! It's so freaking good. It's the best food I've ever had in a campus (mind, I rarely express such superlatives!). For real! It's so good. Anyone who hasn't tried it should, immediately!
5. Film to watch - Kokuhaku (2010): Got my hands on Kokuhaku (confessions in Japanese, 2010) and shall watch it on a later date when I'm not so sleepy. The reviews were excellent, and easily 90% of the reviewers speak of their impression after the film as awestruck - now that's something. Just reading them, I already love the brutal social commentary that the film presents, particularly when directors very powerfully leverage on apt cinematographic techniques and excellent acting. Looking forward to watching this - and I foresee a long post shall ensue!
Nostalgia finds you in the most unsuspecting of times. I was looking through some local films when I came across our national day songs, and promptly dipped into nostalgia-mode. Now, such accidental acquaintance with Singapore-nostalgia isn't the first time and it was totally magnified when I was at Washington. Aw man, just picture me at the kitchen table with my Macbook and some earl grey tea and suddenly chancing upon Kit Chan's Home (1998) D: It was a terrible lurching feeling - by then I had been in America long enough to feel a tinge of home-sickness coupled with incessant kway chap craving - so boy was that feeling massive. Even then, the feeling I felt listening to Home was not home-sickness - it's a simple deeply moving pride for where I came from. I wasn't moved to tears only because I am not a person who cries (I can count the number of times I cry a year with my 10 fingers) - but trust me, any typical person will be bawling away with that same surge of feelings; it was strong. I am also not afraid to concur with the many songs, for indeed this is home to me. I can never see myself establishing my roots anywhere else, lured not even by a lucrative career and lavish lifestyle. This is more than home and more than just where I belong - a certainty that my time in USA made true and cemented.
The national day songs are, of course, great reminders for people like myself - who agree very wholeheartedly with this sense of belonging. We've seen brilliant works from Sing Singapore emerge - Home (1998), Where I Belong (2001), We Will Get There (2002) & One United People (2003) - the few shall always remain my firm favourites.
I think the magic in these pieces, relative to the post-2003 works which very much pale, is their singability. Of course there isn't such a word as singability, but it is in my definition, songs that are always sung wholeheartedly, the sort that as you sit with your classmates in the parade square singing in chorus - and that will really hit home. They are the most poignant. There is a power in singing along with friends. I always believed the act of singing is one of openness - sharing a chorus is that powerful. I loved singing these songs with my classmates, even the chinese ones and the awkwardly enunciated Mandarin - there's magic in that. Others find the recent songs deficient in catchy-ness - a fair comparison. The recent songs pale not because they aren't works of art in their own right - they very well are, but they are not compositions that demand an openness that is key to the overwhelming pride that fills singers. Case in point - What Do You See (2009) & Shine for Singapore (2008) (fast forward to each chorus to get a feel of what I mean). Song for Singapore (2010) is slightly better - and I don't even recall the rest of the songs. Maybe they are getting much too modern for us old-schoolers (HAHA furreal~). I know so many who shrugged indifferently to the 2011 edition of Home, diehards of the 1998 original. Well, here's another true blue 90s kid ;)
So. I've got hives. Every single day since I returned from Dumaguete. When I am at home I am literally pink and white - liberally lathered with calamine lotion. When I am out I sometimes look constipated (lololol) from trying not to scratch the terrible itch. I look like a mottled pink ball of miserable (is there any other way to describe it!). I have never had any allergies in the past so I figured maybe my trip to Dumaguete triggered something in my immune system.
Well, so I've been thinking a bit about it before I realised what this was about. Since I returned from Dumaguete, my body clock went crazy. When I don't have anything up the next day, I slept at 4am and woke up at 2pm on good days, and on bad days, I sleep at 11am and wake up at 4pm. I know, tell me about it - I'm tempted to believe it was jet-lag. I think this crazy body clock butchering has messed with my fiesty lymphocytes. A search on google will return you with results suggesting that if it isn't an allergy, stress may also trigger a breakout. I haven't been stressed at all (lol really. Other than fretting over having nothing to do), so I figured it's physiological stress from my presently malfunctioning body clock. I resolve to commit to Operation-Fix-My-Body-Clock pronto.
And! Although I've always known that one's circadian rhythm is very much dependent on light (natural or otherwise), I've never experienced it first-hand until Dumaguete. By 6.30pm, it is dark, very dark. Save a few rooms with lights, the whole center is dark and outside there are barely any (none, if I recall) street lamps. With that, even on non-tiring days I get incredibly sleepy by 10.30pm. By 11pm, my brain stops working Being able to sleep at that hour in Singapore is... bizarre. Back in Singapore, we're surrounded by so much of artificial light that really affects our sleep - or at least our brain's capacity to perceive our natural need to rest. By contrast, during my time in Washington, (since my room is very dimly lit, I was quite dependent on natural light as well) 9pm is lit like 7pm-Singapore - it is bright as heck and I cannot get to sleep until pretty late at night. Don't you think it's just really cool how our sleep is affected by our ambient light? Another aspect of neuroscience that is mad cool (:
Operation-Fix-My-Body-Clock, action.
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